But the last couple of weeks have been exceptionally disturbing and unusual for me, so I just decided to do a spontaneous reading on the energies surrounding me…to see what Spirit had to say on it.
Per usual, I was astonished by how sensitive and in-touch the reading was with what is going on both outside of and inside of me right now.
The first two cards I was given were The Tower (pictured to the left here) and immediately following that…Death. Both of which reflect the upheaval surrounding me currently and are having a profound influence in my life at present.
Two weeks ago yesterday, on July 13th, my children’s father and my first husband (of 17 years) suddenly and unexpectedly died. He was 53 years old.
His death has created a huge hole in their lives and the lives of our grand children…and has taught me an immense lesson regarding the importance of not leaving words unspoken or feelings unresolved.
The Saturday following his death I received a brief message from my older sister on Facebook saying that my mother had been rushed to the hospital via ambulance because a tumor on her chest was hemorrhaging uncontrollably. The diagnosis is stage 4 cancer and she has, in the last 4 days, begun chemo therapy treatment.
My reading goes on to display the Two of Swords , accurately depicting my current state of internal conflict and indecision regarding my own future. The events that have transpired over the last couple of weeks have made me acutely aware of my own mortality and the importance of juicing life for all it’s worth. And yet, they also make me feel numb and melancholy and I’ve had a hard time really connecting with Spirit…at least where “work” is concerned. There is a blindness about what the future holds…but the message from Spirit here is that I will continue to remain in this conflicted state until and unless I make a firm decision and move forward boldly, with confidence…not looking back with fear or regret.
Next, my reading revealed Strength , not only indicating that these events in my life are going to require that I dig deep and access the inner strength necessary to get my life back on track…but also confirming that I DO have the strength needed to move through and beyond these circumstances, and on to taking back control of my life. But it will require that I learn to tame my own inner demons in order to find the peace and calm required for my own continued personal growth and development.
Spirit then went on to say (in her use of the Queen of Wands) that though I have the strength and power to act with confidence…still, I am blocking emotional connection because of all of the dark energy surrounding me at present. You can see from the emotions in her face that this Queen is not happy. She is on guard and feeling defensive, when it comes to emotional connection. She wants to be self-protective…thinking that if she blocks connection somehow she will be able to protect herself from further hurt and pain. But this is just an illusion…and one that doesn’t even make her happy.
Next in my reading Spirit shows me, with The World card, that I will have success in overcoming these challenges and that this is the end of a cycle for me. A Life Lesson of great significance, but one which will help move me forward in my Soul Progression and help me achieve success in this lifetime.
The reading then comforts me by showing me (with the Knight of Wands) that a message of hope and emotional connection and support is coming from a male energy in my life (my sweetheart, Jeff) and that he will help me though this difficult time because (as depicted in the last card; the King of Wands) he is in a better position of emotional power and strength right now and his focus is on his Love and intuitive connection to me.
I hope that sharing this reading and experience with you that you will also find hope and light in times of darkness in your own life.
I know that it’s difficult to recover from the loss of loved ones or to help those close to us go through the personal trials of life-altering illness and disease. Sometimes we just want to be angry and resentful. And that’s ok. It’s part of the grieving process. But it can be very beneficial to take time to reflect on those feelings…and to express them. Writing (like I am now) can be very cathartic and healing in times such as these. Even if you don’t share your thoughts with anyone else. The act of writing your feelings out can help to clarify, in your own mind, what you are experiencing and why. And writing those feelings down can help to get them “un-stuck” and out of your mind and body so that you are then better able to heal and move on with life.
Thanks for all of your love and support.
Blessings and Hugs,